I’ve represented clients in thousands of cases, and one surprising lesson stands out: the line between a situation that’s manageable and one that turns into a costly lawsuit often hinges on just two words—“I’m sorry.”
In my case at Harvard, it was never financial compensation that I sought—it was safety. I wanted to feel safe at Harvard. I wanted to feel that they cared enough to ensure my safety by adhering to their “Community Values” and keeping predators like George out. A genuine apology acknowledging their failures could have changed everything.
Most organizations approach apologies defensively, viewing them as admissions of guilt rather than opportunities for healing. This mindset creates a dangerous blind spot. When you refuse to acknowledge harm, you transform someone who might have been willing to work with you into someone who feels they have no choice but to fight you.
I’ve seen this pattern repeatedly in my practice. Organizations devote untold hours and dollars to investigating and resolving matters because they failed to offer a simple, genuine apology when it could have made all the difference.
Through my experience, I’ve identified four essential elements that must be present for an apology to prevent rather than escalate legal action:
This isn’t about accepting legal liability—it’s about acknowledging reality. Something happened that caused harm. Period. Trying to minimize or explain away that harm only makes things worse.
You must recognize the human impact of what occurred. When someone feels harmed, they need to know that you understand their pain. This validation is often what they most want and need.
Words without action are meaningless. You must clearly explain what you’re going to do differently to prevent this from happening again. This demonstrates that you’re taking the situation seriously.
This must be genuine and without excuses. Don’t contextualize your apology with explanations that distance you from responsibility. A simple “I’m sorry” can be incredibly powerful when it’s sincere.
“But what happens if I apologize and they still take us to court? Won’t my apology be used against me?” you might ask.
Here’s what I’ve learned: thirty-five states already have some type of protection in the form of “apology laws” that make apologies inadmissible as evidence in court. But more importantly, judges and juries seem to like apologies and treat them favorably. You have little to lose by apologizing and a great deal to lose by not.
Even if accepting responsibility and paying restitution is costly, it is almost always less costly than litigation that extends for years. Consider the countless hours your staff will spend collecting documents and testifying at depositions, and the costs to your reputation should your institution be publicly exposed as having some responsibility for the incident.
“But what happens if I apologize and they still take us to court? Won’t my apology be used against me?” you might ask.
Here’s what I’ve learned: thirty-five states already have some type of protection in the form of “apology laws” that make apologies inadmissible as evidence in court. But more importantly, judges and juries seem to like apologies and treat them favorably. You have little to lose by apologizing and a great deal to lose by not.
Even if accepting responsibility and paying restitution is costly, it is almost always less costly than litigation that extends for years. Consider the countless hours your staff will spend collecting documents and testifying at depositions, and the costs to your reputation should your institution be publicly exposed as having some responsibility for the incident.
An apology can be made at any point in the process, but the earlier it is made, the better. After making such an apology, ask the person if they have any concerns or what more you can do to help. To the extent you can address their concerns, do so. To the extent you cannot, explain why you cannot.
Finally, clearly explain what will happen next and follow up to ensure that the next steps are taken.
When you understand the multiple points along the process that can become turning points, you are much less likely to suffer unnecessary time and expense correcting problems or cleaning up damage. By making every touchpoint one that builds trust and confidence rather than distrust, suspicion, and resistance to the process, your institution is better served, your organizational culture is all the stronger, and your reputation is better protected.
How can you resolve conflicts in a manner that doesn’t dehumanize anyone and respects all people involved? How can you respond to allegations in a manner that respects the humanity of the claimant? You don’t know all the facts, but you want to protect your organization’s legal interests. By asking these questions of yourself, you stand a better chance of avoiding a lawsuit—and even if a lawsuit does come your way, you’re more likely to protect the reputation of your organization and minimize the fallout within.
No organization wants to deal with conflicts, injuries, and damage. No organization wants to devote untold hours and dollars to investigating and resolving such matters, but all organizations do so at some point. When they do, a genuine apology offered at the right time can be the difference between resolution and devastation.
Instead of viewing your impact as limited to just quashing allegations and keeping your people in line, you can create an organizational culture that over time reduces incidents and reports of wrongdoing. You will have fewer reports not because people keep their mouths shut, but because the culture itself takes concerns seriously and addresses them before they escalate.
A financial settlement accompanied by an apology can go far in preventing litigation or, if already commenced, bringing a settlement that satisfies everyone. Any sincere apology can still go far in demonstrating that you are not heartless, you do care, and you are willing to work with the claimant toward a resolution.
For comprehensive guidance on creating trauma-informed processes that include effective apology strategies while protecting your organization’s interests, my book Win-Win: Helping Organizations Mitigate Legal Risk for the Common Good provides the systematic framework you need to transform how your organization handles complaints and investigations.
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